We have grown up dreaming of our happily ever after, have we not?
Girls dreaming about what their wedding dress, dream husband & even what children they'll have! I'm even sure some guys out their have dreamed the same things too, even if they don't want to admit it!!
Well what if your childhood dreams was crushed by one single person? How do you pick yourself back up? Get your confidence back? Be able to feel normal??
These are the questions I had to face myself with when what I thought my whole dreams & wishes was taken away from me :(
The memories of that day are still so clear as if it only happened yesterday but in real fact it was just over 3 years ago! Remembering myself watching my parents faces and see their eyes fill with tears and trying so hard not to cry because they didn't want me to see them upset. Why do we always seem to relive the bad memories?!
Since I was a little girl I have always dreamed of having a little house with the white picket fence & the perfect husband & children... As being a only child I grew up always looking after my little cousins & always being told I was the mother of my friends group at nursery. (Love hearing about your childhood memories don't you?) so as I was saying I grew up wanting to work with children so become a teacher or a nursery worker so I went to school/college and got all my degrees that I needed and I'm now a fully qualified child care worker, only took 5 years & more to do it!
But that's only half the story....
Sorry if it's taken me a little longer to get into the story it's just trying to find the right words to explain it to you all..
So long story short just over 3 years ago I got told I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) which when I first got told by the hospital I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about (should of paid attention more in science i thought to myself) but by looking over at my mums face I could tell it wasn't exactly something good and it that space of that moment I wanted to world to just open a hole and swallow me up or wake up thinking it was a bad nightmare... We had thought finally they have found out what was actually wrong with me as it took them 2 years to find out what I had.. After many hospital over nights, ultrasounds & doctors appointments & loads & loads of blood tests we finally found out, I was so relived that I wouldn't need to go through all that again but then think I'd be having to go through completely new stuff just to try and fix it or make it better. So I got told to go home and research what they had told me which in some ways could of been a bad thing as many people most likely get poorly & look into Google and they think there dying and makes things 100x's worse than they actually are! (Hands up, I must admit I probably am one of those people though opps)
For a while I just curled back into my shell as so to say and didn't want to come out. I felt like I couldn't even speak to any of my family about it or even my friends which I knew they were all there for me but I just felt so disappointed in myself that I couldn't face speaking to anyone about it, let alone mention anything to do with the subject without crying. So I bottled everything up and closed the lid. I'm one of those people that if I never spoke about it, it wasn't real so if I did ever speak about it I felt so disappointed in myself as what a women is meant to do I wouldn't be able to do anymore & I had no clue what was going to happen to me in the future? Being a 19 year old being told you may not be able to have children definitely was a dream crusher which for a while I thought to myself is these once upon a time's & happily ever after real or not?
But now I'm 21 and been through all the hospital appointments and spoken to people that know about my syndrome it has made me more confident about what my future holds for me, as they say when 1 door closes a window will open ... And having my true friends & family around has made a big difference as I'm able to speak about it now without crying which is an achievement in its self :) but it's make me realise don't take anything for granted as you may have something one day & it could be gone the next! So I hope with anyone that is reading this that you have something that makes you want to curl up in your shell, don't be afraid to... Time is the best healer & as long as you've family and fantastic friends that's all your'll need to help you through even the darkest of days!!
So opening up has lifted a huge bolder of my shoulders and I feel more relived!
Thank you to all the little louloubells for listening!
This is Louloubell signing out
Xoxoxox
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